Between caring for Hugo who is six weeks old (!!) and growth spurting, cleaning the house, beginning a home renovation process, and resting when I can, things have been so busy lately.
I want the future to come and I want him to never leave this stage, all at the same time. He finally showed us his gummy smile and it made my heart sing. Things I want to remember-- how much he loves his changing table and making noises on it, the smell of his head, the way he flails his arms and legs when he's excited, seeing new fat rolls emerge every day, watching Ben rock him to sleep. All of these ordinary instances make up this pretty little life we have- we are so blessed.
On the hormones front, every day brings more emotions than I thought possible to have. Most days I'm really happy, loving this guy and the joy he brings to our family. Many days, however, I am stricken with the worst anxiety ever. I think it's pretty much a hybrid between my usual anxiety stuff but also feeling protective and on high alert as a new mom. My wise sister reminds me to stay in the present moment, which is the most difficult and most necessary thing to do.
For the most part, I've taken to motherhood in the way I thought I would, and I'm happy to report it's as fulfilling of a role as ever. I'm learning to embrace change and transitions and accept that I have very little control. The beauty of this lack of control, though, is that it brings complete spontaneity, hilarity, and joy. And that's exactly how life should be.
Hugo and Porter, coexisting.
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