Stream of thoughts and updates

 

Between caring for Hugo who is six weeks old (!!) and growth spurting, cleaning the house, beginning a home renovation process, and resting when I can, things have been so busy lately.  

I want the future to come and I want him to never leave this stage, all at the same time.  He finally showed us his gummy smile and it made my heart sing.  Things I want to remember-- how much he loves his changing table and making noises on it, the smell of his head, the way he flails his arms and legs when he's excited, seeing new fat rolls emerge every day, watching Ben rock him to sleep. All of these ordinary instances make up this pretty little life we have- we are so blessed.  

On the hormones front, every day brings more emotions than I thought possible to have.  Most days I'm really happy, loving this guy and the joy he brings to our family.  Many days, however, I am stricken with the worst anxiety ever.  I think it's pretty much a hybrid between my usual anxiety stuff but also feeling protective and on high alert as a new mom.  My wise sister reminds me to stay in the present moment, which is the most difficult and most necessary thing to do.  

For the most part, I've taken to motherhood in the way I thought I would, and I'm happy to report it's as fulfilling of a role as ever.  I'm learning to embrace change and transitions and accept that I have very little control.  The beauty of this lack of control, though, is that it brings complete spontaneity, hilarity, and joy.  And that's exactly how life should be.  

Hugo and Porter, coexisting.

 

 

One Month Old

I can't believe Hugo turned one month old on January 31!  Time races by yet I mark the days by two to three hour chunks of time in between feedings.  I suspected it during pregnancy (the little guy barely kicked), but Hugo is one mellow fellow.  (He's definitely Ben's child).  :) From two weeks old he spoiled us with 4-6 hour stretches of sleep at night and is an amazing eater.  He has been looking us in the eye during the last week and I keep suspecting a hint of a smile.  His personality is starting to reveal itself and I cannot wait to continue this adventure of getting to know him.  

Some of Hugo's favorite things:

The changing table.  A good poop (seriously, the relief on his face after he does it is pleasure in its purest form).  Making grunting noises in his sleep.  The first few minutes of a feeding.  A picture frame on the wall that he gazes at while being changed.  Being worn in the Ergo.  Peeing on the wall and on us. 

I feel like the luckiest lady in the world to spend my days with him.  Even on my worst days when I walk around the house like a zombie, I sit on the couch anxiously waiting for him to wake up so I can see him again.  

Milk Drunk.