Stream of thoughts and updates

 

Between caring for Hugo who is six weeks old (!!) and growth spurting, cleaning the house, beginning a home renovation process, and resting when I can, things have been so busy lately.  

I want the future to come and I want him to never leave this stage, all at the same time.  He finally showed us his gummy smile and it made my heart sing.  Things I want to remember-- how much he loves his changing table and making noises on it, the smell of his head, the way he flails his arms and legs when he's excited, seeing new fat rolls emerge every day, watching Ben rock him to sleep. All of these ordinary instances make up this pretty little life we have- we are so blessed.  

On the hormones front, every day brings more emotions than I thought possible to have.  Most days I'm really happy, loving this guy and the joy he brings to our family.  Many days, however, I am stricken with the worst anxiety ever.  I think it's pretty much a hybrid between my usual anxiety stuff but also feeling protective and on high alert as a new mom.  My wise sister reminds me to stay in the present moment, which is the most difficult and most necessary thing to do.  

For the most part, I've taken to motherhood in the way I thought I would, and I'm happy to report it's as fulfilling of a role as ever.  I'm learning to embrace change and transitions and accept that I have very little control.  The beauty of this lack of control, though, is that it brings complete spontaneity, hilarity, and joy.  And that's exactly how life should be.  

Hugo and Porter, coexisting.

 

 

One Month Old

I can't believe Hugo turned one month old on January 31!  Time races by yet I mark the days by two to three hour chunks of time in between feedings.  I suspected it during pregnancy (the little guy barely kicked), but Hugo is one mellow fellow.  (He's definitely Ben's child).  :) From two weeks old he spoiled us with 4-6 hour stretches of sleep at night and is an amazing eater.  He has been looking us in the eye during the last week and I keep suspecting a hint of a smile.  His personality is starting to reveal itself and I cannot wait to continue this adventure of getting to know him.  

Some of Hugo's favorite things:

The changing table.  A good poop (seriously, the relief on his face after he does it is pleasure in its purest form).  Making grunting noises in his sleep.  The first few minutes of a feeding.  A picture frame on the wall that he gazes at while being changed.  Being worn in the Ergo.  Peeing on the wall and on us. 

I feel like the luckiest lady in the world to spend my days with him.  Even on my worst days when I walk around the house like a zombie, I sit on the couch anxiously waiting for him to wake up so I can see him again.  

Milk Drunk.  

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. D

Dear Husband,
Right now you are washing dishes and dirty baby bottles as I leisurely sit on the couch writing this blog post.  There is a sleeping four week old whom you just rocked to sleep for his morning nap.  You go back to work tomorrow and in doing so make it possible for me to stay at home with this little babe.  While you were home with us, you mastered diaper changes, rocked and bounced Hugo until your back literally ached, tidied up the house, and did everything else imaginable to make our lives easier.  You did this with a positive attitude, laughter, and a love for us I don't know if I'll ever comprehend.  Your tender heart and selflessness inspire me to be a better human being and mother.  I'm going to miss you so, so much tomorrow when you go back to work.
When we first started dating I remember being embarrassed and nervous introducing you to my friends because you were "nerdy and weird".  A mere six years ago I was a much younger (in more ways than one) girl who cared too much about how others saw her. You were so wonderfully you- never trying to be someone else in front of others, never hiding your true nature.
When we meet new people now, I am so proud to call you my own, (albeit slightly embarrassed to be introduced as your wife because you are so wonderful and I worry that people will catch on.)   Your weirdness and quirks bewitch me and encompass my heart.  
Thank you for loving me back then and today, for being an amazing father, and for being you every single day.
Yours,
Bo

Dear Hugo

 

Dear Hugo,

You are 16 days old today.  I'm amazed we both survived the last two weeks---me, with adjusting to sleeping in short chunks and being a mother, and you, to adjusting to life outside the womb.  You are getting chubbier by the day and you love eating.  (You don't love latching on without a nipple shield, but we're getting there).  You are a champion sleeper and your dad and I feel lucky to set our phone alarms to wake you up for most feedings.  There are moments when I think you are looking me in the eye but I can't be sure.  

You look like a little old man trapped inside of an infant body and your faces and gestures are hilarious.  (See below).

Ben and I gut-laugh when you poop, fart, and burp, because we are amazed that someone so tiny could produce the most disgusting sounds.  It's pretty darn funny.

The day you entered this world, I didn't feel that instant connection some women feel to their children.  It's been a much less intense, more gradual process.  I love getting to know you and am loving you a little more each day.  I'm also falling more in love with your dad who is rocking the whole parenting thing.  

I'm excited for you to continue to reveal your personality to us, but right now I'm just trying to take in each moment with you and enjoy it.

Keep eating and pooping, 

Mom (Anna)

Dear Hugo

Dear Hugo,

Your dad Ben and I still need to write up your birth story before its details become fuzzy, but here are a few things I want to record from the last week or so:

Sleep: Ben is great without it, I am slowly adjusting.  

My heart melts when I see you in your dad's arms, and I see how comfortable he is holding you.  

My favorite time of day is when you are in your quiet alert state, I can see your big beautiful eyes blinking slowly, and you are calm among the storm that is your new life outside the womb.  

I love your smell.  Why do you babies smell so delicious?

I've had more emotions condensed into the last week than I've ever had in life.  It's equal parts anxiety-provoking and equal parts ardent.  

Your rapid breaths as your drift into dreamland remind me that you are a beautiful little human who I feel blessed to take care of.  

That's all for now,

Mom

Welcome to the world, Hugo James!

Hugo James made his one-week early entrance on December 30th, 2013.  He weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 19 inches long.  Both baby and I are getting to know one another and sleeping as much as we can.  Birth story to come...

Five-minute makeup!

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and lazy lazy lazy.  If it wasn't for the fact that I'm covering up bad pregnancy acne and uneven skin tone, I'd probably just go bare-faced and brave the public (it's Halloween tomorrow so I could just go as a scary pregnant lady). Lately these products have been my quick-face staples: 

Nars primer, Estee Lauder Double Wear, Clinique Airbrush Concealer, Benefit Gimme Brow, Benefit High Brow, Benefit cream eyeshadow in Birthday Suit, Mac eyeshadow in Naked Lunch, Bobbi Brown blush in Blushed, Soap and Glory One Heck of a Blot Powder, Maybelline Falsies mascara.

 

 

What are your favorite everyday makeup necessities?